My World
by diearly
Summary: A heartbroken girl watches from the very front row.


MY WORLD

Do you still remember the first time we met? We were just about 4 that time… you took one look at my nose and wrinkled yours. I remembered how I tried to get you to play with me, because our mothers were hoping that we'd be friends. But you didn't want to; you said you were "too old" to play. I think I disliked you after that.

Do you still remember our first year at Hogwarts? I still had a grudge but tried to be your friend anyway. But then you didn't want to be my friend. You wanted to be friends with famous Harry Potter. I think I dislike him after that.

Do you still remember our third year? During our Care of Magical Creatures lesson? When you had trouble with the hippogriff? Everyone from Gryffindor laughed and even some Slytherins joined in. I didn't. I remembered I almost cried seeing you hurt. I hate seeing you hurt. Even if you kept pushing me away, I still tried to make friends after that. And then finally, after all those years, we were. The best of, even. I was the one who stayed with you in the hospital wing til you got better. We talked and laughed the days away. You were fine after a few days, but I couldn't help getting angry at those stupid creatures for embarrassing you like that. I think I disliked hippogriffs after that.

Do you still remember our fourth year? When Harry bloody Potter got his name on the Goblet and you didn't? I remembered you were so mad that he managed to upstage you again, like how you were always mad at yourself after a Quidditch match. I was always the one who comforted you and boosted your ego. I was the one who stayed up with you to make Potter Stinks buttons and I was the first one in all of Slytherin, besides you of course, to wear one.

Do you still remember the time Professor Moody turned you into a ferret? Everyone laughed. I didn't. I hated seeing you humiliated. I think I disliked Moody after that.

Do you still remember how late we stayed in the common room, just talking? I do. I still remember how you'd open up to me and tell me things you told no one else. I still remember when you told me I was the only one you can talk to. I also remember how you made me promise time and time again to not let anyone know I was your friend. You told me that your father wouldn't like it; he considered friends a weakness. Having friends meant that they had power over you, and can therefore break you. If you had friends, they can hurt you easily and they can distract you from being a good Death Eater. You told me how he was forcing you to learn the Dark Arts at home during breaks and how you didn't want to become a Death Eater; you actually wanted to be an Auror. I cried for you that night, when we went to our separate dorms after saying good night. I saw the pain that was evident in your grey eyes. I saw the anger towards your father and the sadness knowing that you'll have to follow him. I saw the hatred towards Voldemort and all his followers, knowing that you'll be one too, someday. I cried til I cannot cry anymore. I hated to see you suffer. I think I disliked the Dark Lord after that.

Do you still remember how you asked me to the Yule Ball? You didn't want to go with any of those girls fawning over you, so you asked me, your best friend, instead. My eyes lit up instantly, I remember. I think I liked you after that.

Do you still remember the time you told me you fancied Ginny Weasley? You asked me how you should tell her and how you could get her to forget the things you said and did and make her like you. I helped you, and you got her. You always got what you want. I remember you kissed me on the cheek after she said yes to you. I think I loved you after that.

Do you still remember how you looked? You were so happy. I remembered how you ran to the common room and picked me up to swing me around. I remembered how I felt. I was so happy. Because for that one moment, I let myself believe that I was the one you loved. You laughed when I squealed so you put me down. But before you did, you hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe properly, and kissed me. On the cheek. Then I remembered. I was not Ginny Weasley. I think I disliked her after that.

Do you still remember the time you told me you loved Ginny? That you'd gladly go against your father's wishes and risk your inheritance and maybe even death just to marry her? Do you still remember? I was heartbroken. But I tried my best to give you a smile and said I was happy for you. Even though all I really wanted to do was cry.

Do you remember the time I grew so distant you thought I was mad at you? I do. But I was only thinking about us. What ifs, you know. What if I were different, would you notice me? If I scream my lungs out, will you hear me, or will you only hear Ginny's voice? If I wave my arms in the air, will you see me, or will you only see Ginny's face? If I wish hard on the first star I see every night til forever, will you love me, or will you still love Ginny? I wondered. If I had the long red hair you loved instead of my blonde locks, will you love me? If I had her chocolate brown eyes instead of my almost black ones, will you love me? Will you pick me instead?

I snapped back to reality when you got tired of my absentmindedness and silences. I didn't want to lose you. Even if I can't be your girlfriend, I'd gladly take the role of best friend even if it kills me, just so I can be near you, so you'd love me too, even if it's in an entirely different way.

Do you still remember when you told me you'd make me your best man, even though I'm a girl? You promised I'd be. I was your best friend in the world, you said, and you'd take no for an answer. I couldn't help the squeak I let out. But I nodded, wanting nothing else but for you to be happy. Never mind that I had hoped to be your bride, not your best man. I'd do anything to make you happy.

Do you remember the time I told you how I never cried for myself? You believed me. How can you believe me so good? I though you would think that I'd ONLY cry for myself, that I don't care about anything. How can you see through my act? How can you know me so well, know me inside and out? And how the hell can you not know that I love you? How?

I lied about the crying. I cried for myself today. The big day. How can I not?

I lost my best friend- my only friend.

So I let a tear fall.

I lost my true love- the only one I'll ever love.

So I let another fall.

I lost my heart.

And another.

I lost my soul.

And another.

I lost my world.

An another.

You mean the world to me, Draco. And now I've lost you. But until forever, **you'll be my world.**

**It's just too bad I'm not yours…**

And as I look at you today, so handsome with a smile that lit up your face, eyes filled with the promise of everlasting love, I realized that **no matter how hard I try-**

"_I do."_

**-I never will be.**

if you didn't get that last bit, Pansy's the best man at Draco and Ginny's Wedding, just like he promised.


End file.
